Mera Bharat Ghaan!

Marathi speakers will understand this title easily. For those of you that don't speak the language or understand it ask your friendly neighbourhood Maharashtrian!

But... hold it... this blog isnt about Marathi or Maharashtrians, it spreads wider.... in fact it spreads across the country! Because this blog is about patriotism.

Come 15th August and 26th January stores, malls and nukkads start playing patriotic songs like "jahan daal daal pe sone ki chidiya karti hain basera... woh Bharat desh hai mera!" Really? There are enough poachers who would pull out a calibre gun and shoot the living daylights of said sone ki chidiya for the sona before you can say daal!

And what about our like minded brethren who suddenly think they should "go Indian" and pull out pajama kurtas and sarees and the like! Where were these clothes for the rest of the 363 days, daarling?

Patriotism for me comes out of not spitting on the streets. Not taking a leak where ever you can't hold it any longer. Not opening the car window of BMW, Audi, VW, Honda City etc etc and chucking some unwanted object ranging from used condom to McDonald's Meal bag to any thing you don't want out! And patriotism definitely isnt about scratching balls and re-aligning penis in public!

We just aren't proud of the country we live in so we have chosen to filth it up and then comment on how filthy it is! Yes, throwing garbage out in whatever form is unpatriotic. Using plastic bags where not necessary and then chucking them is unpatriotic. If you care for your country you would keep it clean just like you keep your home clean. Oh my gosh... I suddenly sound like a 4th standard Civic lessons teacher! But then isn't that what its about???  Ok... let me tell you what else pisses me off... NRI's who have splat from here come back here and bitch about how dirty the country is. What, my dear friend, has been your contribution to cleaning up?

Patriotism unfortunately is a 24/7 industry. You can't choose to be patriotic on two days of the year and bitch about it for the rest.

Ok... coming back to songs of patriotism... lets for academic purposes take "sone ki chidiya" apart... not literally ... you know what I mean.

Jahan daal- daal par sone ki chidiya karti hain basera - nah... mostly crows... as crows are scavenger birds which bring us back to dirt and filth.

Woh Bharat desh hai mera - sure woh Bharat desh hai mera...

Jahan Satya Ahimsa aur Dharam ka pag-pag lagta hai deraa - really??? Satya???? Ahimsa????? Dharam????  Need I say more???? Excuse me is this song really about the country I live in???? What Satya (Truth)? What Ahimsa {non-violence)? What Dharam (Religion)?

Woh Bharat Desh hain mera - I give up ....

Have you been to Pakistan????..

 I have!!!!

In 2000 and 2001 I had the good fortune of visiting Pakistan to shoot ad films for Lever Brothers Pakistan which is the Pakistani arm of Unilever! Unlike people of my fraternity who go to Karachi or Lahore or Islamabad for Film festivals and press meetings and/or book fairs and end up meeting people who are like minded in thought, dress and ideology I  was blessed to meet people from all strata of society - literally - as the producers, the agency and the client belonged to the upper echelons. The production unit including the model comprised of people from "right down there" to "right up there". The purpose of the above statement is that I mingled with Pakistani society in its true form. People who were labourers and could get stirred up by the odd maulana. And middle class janta who could get angered by scenes played out repeatedly on news channels purportedly showing "muslims" getting killed or tortured or both!

Ok... what brought on this blog?  I just saw a fictitious video of news created as if India had never been partitioned or rather what if Pakistan had never been created! My mind turned back to those two visits... and mind you they were long visits. Minimum 20 - 25 days each! And what visits they were! I looked forward to the next "bulawa" to meet friends, eat terrific food, laugh like maniacs till we were falling of chairs or sofas or whatever! Arguments on work were regular as were fights! There was no time or place to stop for a moment and wonder if I looked Indian or the fact that I was Indian! Who cared? Who had the time to care? And for those who did find out that I was from across the border... oh my!

The owner of the mithai shop who insisted on me drinking a huge glass or mini bucket of lassi ignoring my protests that I had just eaten lunch! My Pakistani friends found it very funny and teased me that he was actually trying to bump me off gastronomically! Old uncle even packed me off with a box of the most amazing balaclava that I have ever eaten.

Nawaz the production manager who had his wife cook me dal palak and chawal because I cribbed about the amount of meat they eat and I wasn't used to it!

The major at the Wagah border who gave me permission to take pictures of the retreat ceremony from right there in the middle with them stomping men! Later we learned that he had a soft corner thingy for my model and it wasnt about your truly at all! But the thrill at not being "different" in any way was immense!

The old man at the Wagah border who heard us talk about the insanity of partition and commented "naqshe pe ek laqeer khinch ke do mulk nahi bante" (you cannot create two nations by marking a line on a map)!

Oh I can go on and on... the problem arises when we get influenced by rotten minded politicians, maulvis, priests and their likes, all of whom have ulterior motives. The problem arises when countries like the USA perpetrate myths and support terrorism to finance the arms industry because it runs into frightening trillions of dollars and is the backbone of the state economy! I know there will be people who will use statistics and arguments to refute this blog. Do I care???? Nah! I know I was there. I know I had a rocking time. I know I have made friends for life. So... you want to say something???? Go to Pakistan as an ordinary person. Mix with the ordinary people and when you hear statements like "India-Pakistan agar ek ho jaatein hain toh kya Cricket team banegi! Saali duniya ki g***nd maardengey!" (If Inda-Pakistan become one what a mind blowing cricket team we will have. We will screw the world in its arse!) You laugh at the thought and know in your heart that if somehow we commoners get over the crap being sold to us by pandits and maulvis and politicians from around the world we can become one hell of a superpower! And then ... World cover your arse well... coz here we come!!!